I am, of course, referring to the rumored comeback of… THE JINGLE TWINS!! Please everyone, contain your excitement. I am here to confirm that rumor. The “power duo of our time, or any time for that matter” as some sources have dubbed them, will be returning to the studio next week to bring together their next compilation of smash hits.  The sequel to “Christmas Signs: A Falconer’s Christmas!,” promises more glitz, glamor, and outright in-your-faceness than its critically acclaimed predecessor.

“How is this possible?,” fans of the first album have asked. “Was not ‘Christmas Signs: A Falconer’s Christmas!,’ the greatest album release since Vitas hit the scene 10 years ago?” (Trust me, click that last link. You will not be disappointed, confused, but not disappointed.)  The answer to those questions, friends, is simple.  Although the assumptions and proclamations of the preceding album’s greatness are accurate, if not wildly understated, it is true that the next album will surpass all expectations due to an increased focus on hot dog sandwiches.

Although the band relied heavily on this trailer park snack last time around, other nutrients did actually gain entrance into the bodies and souls of the Jingle Twins. Not so this time. No such perversion will be tolerated.  Early estimates state that the upcoming album will represent a 50% increase in the overall sustenance to hot dog sandwich ratio. The results will certainly be dazzling.

That is all for now, but stay tuned for updates.

Obstinately yours,

Zaphod Beeblebrox

Additionally, Super Special Limited Edition hard copies are now available and ready to be shipped! If you would like to request a potentially personalized Limited Edition disc, send an email with quantity information to thejingletwins@gmail.com!

A Jingle to bring Christmas cheer!

There aren’t a lot of movies that I would say are worth the money that movie theaters are charging these days, especially for a 3D movie, but this one absolutely is.  Don’t miss it in the theaters. You will punch yourself later.

You can get the album right this very second on my Facebook page (Nathan Heffington), by clicking the link under the friends box on my profile.  Get your discounted copy now before the iTunes release in a couple weeks!

Here’s what the critics are saying:

“It is the best album I’ve ever heard!” – Nathan Heffington

“It is the best album I’ve ever heard!” – Lanier Ward

Sounds like everyone agrees!

Remember, we’d love to hear your thoughts on what exactly you think is going on with this album.  Does it have deep metaphors or is it pure chaos and madness? Is there a prevailing narrative that ties the tracks together or is it more of a mess? Why do some tracks rave about falcons and fountains and others tell hopeful stories of bashful, lonely folks fighting for love on Christmas? What about this Blurtus character? Why are all the critics raving, overwhelmingly proclaiming that “It is the best album I’ve ever heard!” (multiple sources)?

Let us know your thoughts by commenting on this blog post or sending a Facebook message or an email (nathan.heffington@gmail.com). We’ll post some of our favorites.
Happy Listening!

For the rest of you, well fought.  Keep your heads up.  The album will be released tomorrow and then you can all bask in its off-putting and confusing glory.  It will be made available, if all goes like I suspect it will, through links, or widgets or some new-fangled technological thing, on the facebook pages of myself and Lanier Ward.  Also, it should be available for purchase directly from this blog or the blog of Lanier Ward.  And maybe, just maybe, you can be a Jingle Twin too and post the link on your facebook or blog or whatever! There might even be an incentive in there somewhere if you decide promote along with us, no telling, more info to come.

So here’s the deal with the album. We have thought long and hard about how much to explain about the origins of the album or any of the particular tracks.  What the tracks are about? Is there some hidden symbolism or is it just madness? Why do some songs talk about falcons or fountains and some talk about Santa or a greasy little fella named Blurtus?  Why do some sound like they were recorded by a pack of hyenas in a trash can and others sound better than the Jo Bros.? (That’s right, that’s officially a shot at the Jonas Brothers, thus beginning our high profile, celebrity feud.)

Well, we have decided, at least for now, not to really delve deeper than we already have into what on earth this album is all about because, quite frankly, we want to hear what you think.  So please, after the album release tomorrow, after you get a chance to listen through the album, we would love to hear what you think is going on, whether it be deep spiritual symbolism or raving lunacy. Feel free to post your thoughts as a comment on the next blog entry or shoot an email (nathan.heffington@gmail.com) or a facebook message our way.  We will post some of our favorites.

So let the countdown to the release begin. Tell your friends.

Signed,

Blurtus, Santa’s Worst Elf and accomplished Christmas Pirate

Hint: This link might help.

1) Solve the riddle on on either Nathan’s or Lanier’s blog.

2) Use the answer to the riddle you solved to access the link named “Jingle Clue” (located on the right hand side of the page) on the other blog. (For example, if you solve the riddle on Nathan’s blog, you would navigate to Lanier’s blog through the provided link, click on “Jingle Clue” located on the right side of his page, and input the answer to Nathan’s riddle when prompted for a password.)

3) Solve the riddle you are confronted with within the “Jingle Clue” link. Make sure to save the answer that you get! This one will be easier but it is very important! It will eventually get you into the final prize page!

4) Repeat steps 1-3 with the blog and riddle that you did not start with on step 1. (For example, if you solved Nathan’s riddle first, go back and solve Lanier’s)

5) Once you have unlocked both “Jingle Clue” pages and gotten the answers to the final riddles, combine them (with no spaces), and use that as the password to unlock the “Jingle Twins Prize!!” link on the right side of Nathan’s page.

6) Don’t forget to make a comment as soon as you get there to ensure that your prize is safe!

Have fun! Riddles will be released simultaneously tonight at precisely 12:00 AM!

How might one take advantage of such an absurd offer, you are undoubtedly asking yourself.  The answer is simple. A contest. Yes a contest.  For those of you familiar with my past blog contests, you will not be surprised to learn that this contest, as with the last, will involve unraveling a bit of a mystery and acquiring a password that will grant access to a locked “page” link on the right hand side of this blog.  There, all voyagers will be treated to a sneak preview of the Jingle Twins Christmas album.  The first to reach this goal will claim their victory by placing the first comment within the page and earn themselves a free copy of the album!

This contest, though similar to the last, will be one of a kind because it will involve mystery solving not only here, but *gasp* on a second blog as well!!!!  Please, try to contain your excitement. More details tomorrow.

Signed,

Ignatius J. Reilly