Jack and Jill

If Jack and Jill had just had this book they could have avoided what turned out to be a very frustrating situation.

Pictures from my life

A lot of time, we bloggers like to post pictures of our lives. Usually these pictures have some deep meaning personally or offer some sort of value or enrichment to the viewer.  This might include cute or hilarious pictures of tiny toddling children (i.e. Lacey Keigley’s blog, those kids are tough to top as far as cuteness and hilarity goes), or world travels.  If you are looking for anything of that sort, you will not find it here.  No meaning, no enrichment, and it would require a very loose interpretation of “world travels” to apply the phrase to Gatlinburg, TN and Myrtle Beach, SC.

Here is the first picture from my life.  For those of you who are familiar with the world of Look Up Lodge funapalooza, it might make a little sense why a man in a suit is punishing Waldo with an annihilating drop kick to the no-no region.  To those who aren’t, it never really made very much sense anyways, don’t concern yourself with the details, just embrace the absurdity.

Sorry Ben. Sometimes Awesomeness has to take precedent over personal safety.

This next one is from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.  This sign was perched on top of the microwave in the dining room of the hotel that my family stayed in when we saw Mr. B.B. King at the House of Blues.

I just like to imagine the disgruntled hotel worker assigned to kitchen duty opening the microwave to discover that, for the sixth time this week, some guy has unknowingly detonated a yolky package of rubbery, would-be chicken on his way out the door for a day full of Ripley's Believe It or Not museums, putt-putt, and henna tattoos, at which point our disgruntled hotel worker friend roars "That's it! I'm making a sign!"

This last one is for mature audiences only! Only gaze upon its hard-hitting, uncompromising, splendor if you think you can take an overload of In-Your-Faceness along with a solid uppercut of Ain’t-Nobody-Gonna-Tell-Me-Nothin-About-What-I-Can-And-Can’t-Doness right to the groin.  That’s right. This is the airbrush T-shirt to end all airbrush T-shirts and it is coming to ya straight from the 865. That’s Gatlinburg, Tennessee fool. This T-shirt pretty much sums up our Look Up staff retreat as well as any T-shirt could ever hope to sum anything up. My friend Kevin Keigley has one to match, except his says Kevin on the top. It is equally uncompromising.

This shirt says to all who visually partake: "Hey! Here's a cobra and some fire! Too intense for ya? Deal with it!"

Music, Music Everywhere! Part III

Double Feature day!!

Last songs are “Staralfur” by Sigur Ros and “The Enabler” by Japancakes.  Staralfur is one of my favorite songs of all time.  It’s really ambient and wonderful and Icelandic. The title means Staring Elf, how could it not be great? It has a great break about halfway through and will have you yelling Icelandic words you don’t understand in no time.  The Enabler has no words but it is really fun.  I’ve always said that if I ever make a movie, what a terrifying thought, this song will be in it.  It’s just one of those.

The album double feature is “Fleet Foxes” from Fleet Foxes and “Broken Boy Soldiers” from The Raconteurs.  “Fleet Foxes” is a bundle of folky and acousticy goodness, the focal points being “White Winter Hymnal” and “Ragged Wood.”  The Raconteurs are stupid good. Jack White from the White Stripes and Brendan Benson head up probably the best rock band out there right now.  They are nuts. All of the tracks are good. All of them. And their follow-up album, “Consolers of the Lonely,” is wicked as well. Those people can play. Especially Jack White. He can’t possibly be human.

For the artists we sort of have a triple feature because the first one is The Fireman, which is actually a Paul McCartney side project. The “Electric Arguments” Fireman album is great and really shows how crazy Paul McCartney still is. “Sing the Changes” is the popiest and is a good starting point song to get into the depth of The Fireman.  Paul McCartney’s “Memory Almost Full” album is amazing. It is a reminder that he’s still got it and really takes it back to the Beatles days in quality.  My favorites are “Ever Present Past” and “Mr. Bellamy.” Second artist is Sia, an Australian girl that can sing the paint off the walls without even looking like she is exerting enough energy to blow out a candle. It’s madness.  Check out her performance of “Soon We’ll Be Found” on Letterman and her album “Some People Have Real Problems.”  Also, “Breathe Me” from her earlier album, “Colour the Small One” is really good as well, haunting.

And the final wild cards. Oh this first one is good.  It is called “The Poopsmith Song” and the version I have, not sure if there are others, is by a band called Over the Rhine.  I have no words to describe this song other than to say it is absolutely, pee in your pants, horrifying. Creepy beyond your wildest dreams and involves poop in a toaster I think. Please do yourself a favor and listen to this one. The second wild card is “Bongo Bong” by Manu Chao.  It’s kind of a strange one and it seems to be about a wildly egotistical bongo player, I think, so, pretty familiar territory for most of us.

Some others:

Songs -

“Is There a Ghost” by Band of Horses

“To Know Your Name” by Hillsong

“Love and Some Verses” by Iron and Wine

Albums -

“Church Music” by David Crowder*Band (Now officially known as The David Crowder*Band)

“Day and Age” by The Killers

Artists -

Stars

Sufjan Stevens (One of the best ever. If you haven’t heard him, you absolutely have to. Start with “Chicago” on the “Illinoise” album and “Come Thou Fount” from the Christmas Album)

Wilco (They just released a really good album called “Wilco (The Album)”

Wild Cards -

Pleasant (band) (“Monster” from the album “Awkward as a Beehive” will draw you in never to come out. Maybe)

“Ain’t no rest for the wicked” by Cage the Elephant

Music, Music Everywhere! Part II

Second song is “Sundress” by Ben Kweller. It’s a sweet song, like a watermelon sweet.

Second album is “The Seldom Seen Kid” by Elbow. Thanks to Lanier for this one.  Really cool band. The lead singer has a unique voice and the melodies are really intriguing.  “Grounds for Divorce” and “One Day Like This” are the two biggies for me on the album.

Today’s artist is Mika. Kind of Freddie Mercury for 2009 sort of thing going on.  Their first album, “Life in Cartoon Motion” was pretty wild, very…energetic. And crazy. Really crazy.  They just released another album but I haven’t really listened to much of it yet.

And the wild card is my favorite wild card of all time: Daniel Johnston.  Some people regard him as one of the greatest songwriters of all time, not a joke. I’m not really in that camp but something about his music, having nothing to do with the vocal abilities or instrumentation I promise you, is sort of addictive. He has a billion albums and I’m not sure if they are on itunes or not, but they are on some sites if you look.  To really understand this guy, you should watch “The Devil and Daniel Johnston,” a documentary about his life and music.  It’s really interesting. He’s a character.

Music, Music Everywhere! Part 1

Ok. First song you should go and buy right now is “Us” by Regina Spektor. Beautiful piano part and the girl can straight sing.  It is on the soundtrack for (500) Days of Summer which is all good if you are so inclined.

And the first album is “Funeral” by Arcade Fire.  It is unbelievable. Just unbelievable. If you don’t already have it, get it. For some people it takes a while to get into but it is so worth it.  Some of the tracks are kind of this story about a snow day, it’s great. Get it. Wake Up is ballin’ (sorry Lacey) and Rebellion (Lies) is beyond good as well. Just… get it.

The artist for today is She & Him, an indie duo with one part Zooey Deschanel, the girl from Elf, and M. Ward, an indie easy rocker.  Zooey has a really sweet, like watermelon sweet, voice and the songs are old schooly and folky. Good stuff.

And for the wild card, check out the African Village Band and their tributes to the Newsboys, David Crowder, and more. They’re… good?

Winner!

Well, it seems that we have a winner. Miss Jess Leister has mentally maneuvered herself through three layers of some of the most difficult puzzles and codes known to man to unlock the treasure chest and win the prize, which I will post a picture of after it is awarded to Jess. So congrats to Jess and for any of you who are interested, you can check out the new “solutions” page on the right for an explanation of the answers.

Tomorrow morning us Look Up Lodgians will be headed to Gatlinburg, Tennessee, epicenter of all things airbrushed, for our staff retreat.  I have scheduled the blog to put up the next posts at 7:00 AM for the next three mornings while we are gone.  I think they’ll just be some songs or albums that you should go download ASAP.  Ok. Goodbye.

Side Note

Here’s a side note. As of yet, no one has solved the puzzle! I assume that it is the third key that is getting folks so here is a clue.  Think alphabet.  Good luck!

What in the world?

So, I was at Pizza Inn last night with my good friend Jason and we were sitting at our booth having a good ol’ time.  Now, I have always upheld the expectation that, at Pizza Inn in TR (see Sept. 16th entry), you are probably not going to experience the peak of sophistication in either the quality of the food, the cleanliness of the facilities, or the hairstyles of the patrons, but, my goodness, I don’t expect to be terrified and accosted by an eleven foot monstrosity that looks like some sort of crazy traffic cone-hat-wearing Italian/Japanese alloy made up of equal parts Mario and the guy from Pokemon. But, as you might guess. That is exactly what happened.  For those of you that didn’t follow the description, here is the mathematical representation in algebraic form:

The most terrifying algebra you will ever see.

All the more pizzaliciously frightening, is the fact that the blur in the bottom right corner of the picture is actually a small child running into the open arms of the minister of all things creepy! What in the world? Here are some legitimate questions I feel are raised by this situation:

1. Why, in a world chock full of cheerful and cuddly costumed characters Mr. and Mrs. Mouse, are children attracted to this thing?  Have parents not taught their children to avoid anyone, ANYONE, whether imaginary or otherwise, with a mustache like that of MOC (Minister of Creepy, that’s gonna be our working moniker for the big guy)?
2. Why does Pizza Inn feel like they need a mascot in the first place? Is the startling presence of MOC, however awkward, really going to move any more pizza pies? Has Chuck E. Cheez, a pizza place that entices customers by putting a giant dancing rat and his gyrating rodent pals on a stage in the middle of the dining room, really become the business model that everyone in the pizzertainment (that should be added to the dictionary) outfit?
3. What about this particular choice for a frontman, for the face of a company mind you, says to the potential customer “Pizza Inn, a place where you can eat a good meal with the security of knowing you won’t spend most of it confused as to why there is a large, mustachioed, anime-plumber walking around touching your children.”?  Because that is exactly the opposite of what it says to me.
4. Why would he wear so many clothes to work in a pizza kitchen?

If you are still not convinced of the panic-prompting power (alliteration = 8 points) of this large, luigi look-a-like (c’mon, give me something hard to alliterate), I will provide you with a few more evidences as you leave.

MOC with his latest delivery from ACME. (Who can tell me what I'm talking about for bonus points?)

If this were the only picture of MOC, his existence might be questioned like that of bigfoot. But luckily we have...

…video evidence. Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKXSPMiPeQA.

How to make movies good

I went to see a movie the other night that I had been looking forward to for a long time. The movie was “9,” and after seeing the previews I was giddily anticipating some sort of jaw-dropping, beyond the previously understood limits of awesomeness film that was somehow the flawless marriage of Braveheart, The Lord of the Rings, and Toy Story (with a little bit of Logan’s Run for good measure).  Instead, it was kind of a let down, partly due to the fact that I slept through a pretty large part of it, but that was only because it was kind of let down.  I think that logic works out.  Anyway, it just wasn’t as crazy and imaginative and different as I thought it might be.  The effects were amazing, the whole thing was crazy cool to look at, but the plot and especially the characters were just sort of “eh.”

I know that every movie can’t be completely ground-breaking and brilliantly imaginative in every way but there are some things that Hollywood should just stop doing.  And so, since I once took a movie magic class in Kid’s College back in the 5th grade or so and therefore have the authority to speak on the matter, I will now provide the film industry as a whole with some valuable and enlightening advice.

Dear film industry,

In regards to your movies:

1. Please stop putting Zac Efron in them.
2. You know that slasher film you are making? The one with the deformed/masked/super-strong guy running around with a knife/chainsaw/pickax trying to butcher a group of young, attractive 20 somethings with hormones raging wilder than PETA at Michael Vick’s Christmas party at the petting zoo, and enough brains between all of them to fill up the pocket of a green plastic army man?  We’ve seen that one.
3. We do NOT think that Dwayne Johnson (AKA “The Rock”) is funny.  Not even when he does his eyebrow thing.  Especially not then.
4. From Justin to Kelly? Really?
5. If you are going to try to make a series of prequels  to the greatest stellar conflict trilogy of all time, here is a list of people not involve in any way: Hayden Christensen, Jar Jar Binks.
6. If you are going to try to make a sequel to the greatest archaeology/whip related trilogy of all time, here is a list of people not to involve: Shia Lebeouf
7. We like it when characters run into sliding glass doors. Somehow that never gets old.
8. Why does Tyler Perry have a job?
9. Please make a live-action Smurfs movie starring Al Pacino, Robin Williams, and that guy from the free credit report.com commercials as soon as possible.
10. I don’t know if you have any connection with the music world, but if you do, would you please tell Nickelback to stop it.
11. Is it at all possible to eek out one more 3 Ninjas sequel? That would be great.
12. Please fire everyone involved in making Nicolas Cage’s career a “success”
13. Ditto for Ice Cube and Larry the Cable Guy
14. One more “(Insert cliche genre here) Movie” spoof flick and I’m done with movies forever.  Who on earth is buying tickets to those?  And what person, after watching Scary Movie or Disaster Movie or whatever, was like, “Yeah. We need more like that.”  I will uppercut that person.  I mean, c’mon.
15. RENT was terrible.
16. I think we’ve had about enough of Jaime “Just put me in a movie as a deeply troubled musician so that I can get an Oscar” Foxx.
17. We love the thought of another Batman movie, but please, in the name of all that is good, no Robin. I think this picture should make that case quite cleanly:
    

    Yikes. We don't need to see those tights in Hi-Def or, even worse, 3D

Now that I’ve put in my three and a half cents what do you think? What are your suggestions for Hollywood?

Off to Spartanburg

Hello folks! Looks like nobody has been completely successful yet with the quest although I’m sure that will change. You are smart folk. I know that because you read my blog and anyone who is smart reads my blog.  I’m about to leave for Spartanburg to lead worship with some friends and for some friends at Piedmont Community Church. Tomorrow we will see about perhaps adding another clue of some sort to help you get over the last hump for key 3.  Until then…